bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize