she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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