you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize