when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
