they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just gargled with NyQuil
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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