i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
