everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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