but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
