marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
