Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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