I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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