mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
