yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
