Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.

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(630): View more from Illinois

He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?

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(805): View more from California

I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.

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(940): View more from Texas

Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it

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(734): View more from Michigan

We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n

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