I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
