dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
