Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
