Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
