I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
