so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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