And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
