drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
