Where did you get a picture of my penis
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
