So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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