i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can I color on your dick again?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
