i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
