Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
