I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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