I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
