but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
