i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
