What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
