I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
porn star boner night. come get it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize