So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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