My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
