so that wasnt chicken after all
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
