yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
