Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
