he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
A+ Viking dick
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
