I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A bitchslap is in order.
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