it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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