the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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