the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
