I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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