I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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