Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
