So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I checked into jail on foursquare
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
