My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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