he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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