he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
