I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
