2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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