I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
