I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize