I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
