but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
