i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
