He is such a slut. More and more my type.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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