I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
