So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
