i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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