she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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