yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
