Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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