i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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