After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
