a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just found a bag of teeth...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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