He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
