Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
