Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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