Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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