i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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