I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
