So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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