I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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