Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
