The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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