So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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