Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
