I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
