Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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