sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I party with great urgency now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
