I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
