We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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