remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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