I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Randomize
