i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
