I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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