...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize