take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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