did you get engaged???
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
