I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
