i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
