I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
