dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
