new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
