I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
