Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
