Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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