you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
